Gratitude ~ Day 24 Jokes

I really appreciate a good joke. They cheer me up despite myself. If it weren't for my sense of humor I would surely perish.

Here are some of my favorites:

A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
(Duh-dum Tsh!)

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This guy gives up his whole life to climb a mountain in search of a guru who can tell him the meaning of life. He reaches the cave and sees the guru and asks, "Oh great and wise guru, I have traveled thousands of miles and climbed many mountains to find you. Please tell me, what is the meaning of life?" The guru scratches his beard, thinking, then says, "Life? Life is a fountain." The guy exclaims, "That's it? I gave up my whole life, traveled thousands of miles, climbed many mountains to find you to ask you the meaning of life, and all you have to say is, "Life is a fountain"? And the guru says, "What? Life's not a fountain?"

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Scene from Night at the Opera starring the Marx Brothers:

(After much revision of the contract...)
Fiorello (Chico): Hey, wait, wait. What does this say here, this thing here?

Driftwood (Groucho): Oh, that? Oh, that's the usual clause that's in every contract. That just says, uh, it says, uh, if any of the parties participating in this contract are shown not to be in their right mind, the entire agreement is automatically nullified.

Fiorello: Well, I don't know...

Driftwood: It's all right. That's, that's in every contract. That's, that's what they call a sanity clause.

Fiorello: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! You can't fool me. There ain't no Sanity Clause!



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And my all-time favorite:

(excerpt)
Ernie: (Loudly) What was that, Bert?

Bert: I said, you have a banana in your ear, Ernie.
Bananas are food, they are to eat, but not to put in your ear, Ernie.

Ernie: (Very loud) Whaddya say, Bert?

Bert: (Yelling) WILL YOU JUST TAKE THAT BANANA OUTTA YOUR EAR!

Ernie: (Yelling back) I’M SORRY, BERT, BUT YOU’LL HAVE TO SPEAK A LITTLE LOUDER!
I CAN’T HEAR YOU! I HAVE A BANANA IN MY EAR! (whole transcript)