Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Gratitude 2012: The Snark Edition

Thank you Facebook friend (singular) who posted her gratitude every single day this month. You made the rest of us look ungrateful, disorganized, lazy and unimaginative. Go you.

Thank you Republicans for lowering the bar so far I can simply step over it. Oh wait, I think I mean Walmart.

Thank you Jenny McCarthy for making Autism all about boobs.

Thank you Inlaws for driving across the country and back then sending a map of your trip to my son who immediately noticed that you drove right by Colorado without stopping to meet him. You're my heroes.

Thank you Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachmann, and Ann Coulter for being fodder for my and my husband's jokes. We're not sure who to make fun of now that you are obsolete.

Thank you Yahoo! headlines for keeping me abreast of the Robertson/Stewart affair. It means so much to me I think I might puke.

Thank you Global Warming for continuing your natural trend making humans think they are even MORE significant than ever.

Thank you Network News for joining the world of fiction. I no longer enjoy fiction. Maybe you should stick to porn.

Thank you State of Colorado for legalizing marijuana!! Now all those stoners can be released and add to the unemployment statistics since they can't go back to selling enough to legally make a living yet.

Thank you Pinterest for the literally DAYS of wasted time pinning things I will never ever look at again thus enabling my obsession with collecting things that have now collected a fine layer of cyberdust.

Thank you Couch Parents for solidifying my resolve to Attachment Parent. You not only make yourselves look bad, but your children are brats. Congratulations!

Thank you Cable TV for introducing the world to yet lower and lower forms of life, and by lower forms of life I mean June Boo Boo.

Thank you to all the narrow minded people out there who think they are so worldly although have no grasp on their own reality much less mine or anyone else's yet feel so powerful and smart voting for issues that effect millions of people they know nothing about! Your brains squeak when the wind blows. SQUEAK!

And least but not last [sic], thank you religious zealots for the hypocrisy. Without you I would not have this constant muscle ache from shaking my head all the time.


5 comments:

CantankerousCoot said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA - thanks for making the slog thru work more enjoyable! I love you :)

Kami said...

Jeez. I agree with you but sincerely hope I'm not the person who inspired #1, #11 or #13! Love you! Hope you have a good holiday!

corscorp said...

No, you did not directly inspire any of these. lol

*Jess* said...

dying laughing over here! and I agree on so many levels!

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